Love and Marriage

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No one said marriage would be easy, but when you add in serious insomnia, anxiety, depression, a child who needs extra help, and living with your parents it can get overwhelming.

Depression is real, and it will eat you alive. Somedays, actually most days I wake up and take our son to school and come home and go to sleep again. I guess it’s my way of “escaping”. It’s not because I’m not happy with my life, I couldn’t ask for more when it comes to that. I’m just not happy with myself anymore, and I’m not looking for a pity party or attention. I know I will overcome this. I’ve really been trying, my parents have been helping me too by getting me out of the house during the day. But it’s been hard and this isn’t really something I’ve shared before but hopefully, it will help to bring me out of the dark.

It’s always been hard for me to work a “real” full-time job. Ever since our son was very young we’ve had speech therapy appointments, IEP meetings, and tutoring after school. He is and always will be my priority. Working at home for me has been a complete blessing. (More on that another time)

My husband has been with his company for over 15 years now, so he gives us stability. I have no idea how he wakes up every day at 5:00 am to drive over an hour to work. I can tell it’s taking a toll on him lately and I wish there was something I could do. He is an amazing provider, a great father, and he’s an okay husband. Haha, I’m just kidding, I don’t know what I’d do without him.

Not a lot of people know that just a few years ago we had a few bumps, actually more like major crashes in our marriage. It was rough. It was a time I never ever want to re-live and I hope we will never have to. If one day we can help others overcome what we did, then maybe everything does happen for a reason.

Of the many things I’ve learned along the way…the most important is to NEVER and I really do mean NEVER go to bed angry at each other. It’s advice that was passed down for many generations now, but it is golden. I can still remember my nana giving me the same advice and I can still remember my grandfather never leaving the house without telling her he loved her and giving her a sweet little kiss on her forehead.

On that terrible day when I thought my world was falling apart, that same night my husband and I kissed each other goodnight as we had done all of these years. Don’t get me wrong, we were emotionally damaged, we were both hurting, but we chose not to run and not be angry at each other anymore. Each day after that to this day we continue to heal.

While we decided to work out our issues, that doesn’t mean everyone should. There are certainly circumstances in which separation or divorce is unavoidable.

I can say with 100% certainty, that every day I fall in love with my husband more.

So, I gave you a little advice…something that has helped us for the past 17 years of our marriage. What advice can you give? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

13 thoughts on “Love and Marriage”

  • I loved this. Thank you. I related to the ups and downs of marriage (17 years) and the beauty and increased love of seeing it through, while balancing the demands of special needs kids. While this isn’t right for everyone, there are circumstances that really are best to separate, I think many people also give up too easily and are not willing or able to be selfless, putting their spouse’s needs before their own.

  • Marriage is for sure something that needs to be watered and fed each day. My husband and I had a major bump in the road ( ok more like the whole road was missing) … a few minor pebbles here and there
    I think what we learned was 1. Don’t take each other for granted. 2. Spend more time on just US! 3. Remember the vows we took before God and our family that day 23 years ago. 4. Always have fun together.
    Together, you can and will get through anything.
    People give up way too easy these days. Fight for it when you need too. When one is down, let the other carry you through.
    Of course some days I want to scratch his eyes out… and I’m sure some days he wants to move to Alaska lol… but together we make it!!!

  • What a raw and real post. Thank you for sharing. Love your advice. My husband and I both come from broken homes and our heart for marriage has be amplified through our experiences. We over communicate everything. We believe communicating expectations, feelings, dreams, struggles, etc. opens the door for transparency and true intimacy. Thank you for a lovely post. Best wishes to you and your husband and all others on this journey of marriage!

  • I’m not married, and actually choose not to be, but I have many friends going through similar feelings that you express here. I think it is a tricky balance in any relationship (with family, friends, spouses, etc.) to figure out whether it’s worth staying in the relationship. I always agree with putting in the work first but then knowing how to set boundaries and understanding what is best for both of you in the end. Love the honest and real article!

  • Sounds like you’re really grateful for your husband’s hard work. That’s got to play such a big role in keeping everything together in a marriage. Kudos to you!

  • Marriage can be really tough. My husband and I have only been married for 7 years, but in that time we have had very low lows and very high highs. I keep hoping for smooth sailing, but I’m thinking that’s just not how life goes. It’s hard but so worth the hard work!

  • ohhhhhhh, how I needed this reminded tonight. Going to make-up now, before we go to bed angry. It’s a bad habit we’ve had for 20 yrs (We’re horrible at conflict resolution) and it needs to end NOW. Thank you. And,praying you find relief from your depression. Been there. so hard.

    • I’m so glad I could help you. You’re right, you can end it! Good Luck to you and yours. Thank you so much, my depression has been a battle to say the least…but I believe I’m getting stronger each day.

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